Blanket

Every time I met you my heart cried out
“Yes!”

That night you stayed over you helped me
see the stars from my bedroom window for the first time.
Your body, your voice, everything about you was perfection.

I wanted to do it all again, immediately.
But that wasn’t an option.

So instead I tracked down some vegan fluff
to make into a blanket for an outdoor stargazing date.

It seemed like the logical next step -
I planned to borrow a telescope from Westminster Reference Library

But when I tried to construct the blanket I messed up.

First I messed up the edges, got the size wrong.
Remeasured and recut in a panic, using the same material but making everything smaller.

And then I messed up the tension: everything came out all wonky.
My housemate laughed at it: “is that art?”

I almost took scissors to the lot that night. Raging, cursing my clumsy hands and over enthusiasm.

I didn’t, though
I breathed deep and resolved to fix it.

I worked nights.
From a nautical themed hotel, I unstitched 10,000 stitches

And so it was with us. I was so keen to do anything for you that I messed up my own edges.
Remeasured and recut myself in a panic. I made myself smaller.

And I messed up the tension. Came across all wonky.

Words are not like stitches,
No matter how deep I breathe, they remain, marked “Message Deleted” on whatsapp

I wished I could have unsaid 10,000 lines, but I couldn’t.

I finished the blanket in the end.
Picked your favourite colours and poured love into it as if I was fashioning an amulet.

But it was hopeless

There was I thinking I could have kept you warm.
But you never needed a blanket,
you were already hottest person I ever touched.